High Noon
by Singalong
Summary: 100 years later and Bella finally "got it".


High Noon (a Twilight Parody)

_2107_

_Forks, Washington_

I hate it. I really do.

It's been 100 years but I still can't get used to it.

I'm 119 and no one will sell me liquor.

It's probably due to the fact that I was transformed into a vampire at nineteen and so look young. Very young.

Now of course I have fake ID's and older looking friends and in laws to give me it but still. It's annoying. More so is the fact that my half vampire/half human daughter matured to look about 24 before she stopped growing and aging. Everything thinks she is my elder sister! I'm her mother for god's sake!

Oh god. I'm brooding again. I've been doing that lately. I've been brooding ever since we moved back to Forks, Washington.

Nearly 50 years we spent in London. It's amazing how in a city of 14 million an entire vampire clan can move down to another part of the city and no one will ever quite notice. But we've used up our time there and instead me and the Cullen's have returned to where it all started. A hundred years later.

I'm sitting in my electric car (yes we still have cars but most people take public transport these days!) outside the liquor store a few miles from Forks. I'd stupidly forgotten my ID's back at the house.

I'd briefly considered biting the man's neck but remembered that was a poor way to start in my old hometown.

God I still hated it. I hated rain! Always had. I preferred sunshine, the sunshine of Phoenix where I grew up for most of my life with my mother. So why the hell did I become a vampire?

"Oh yeah, Eddy. " I growled feeling my canines sharpen. I started the car and tried to reverse. Emphasis on tried. I zoomed forward and nearly crashed into the stores front doors. Some things never changed.

I drove along the familiar roads feeling memories and reminisces crowd into my mind. Where did it all go wrong?

Life, excuse me, death just wasn't what I thought it would be. I thought 2008 was bad but 100 years later and everyone has their cell phones implanted in their heads! Computers are everywhere and I mean everywhere, I was only driving my car because I told the computer _I _wanted to. Life expectancy has jumped to 118 for women and 105 for men. Which brings me to my next point. I'm 119.

If I'd lived out my normal human lifespan I'd be dead by now.

I wish.

This whole immortality thing wasn't what it was cracked up to be.

My husband Eddy and I had been startled to find my father's old house was still intact in town though my father was long dead (he died soon after I told him the truth about Eddy and myself. I don't know why.). We had of course bought the house and left it intact. Now here we were again. Living here with the Cullens back in their old house. Eddy seemed to enjoy it. I didn't.

After parking my car in the front I slammed my car door as, with a pang, I remembered my youthful best friend Jacob Black, Native American and werewolf. He had passed away about thirty years before having never really fully forgiven me.

I marched up the pathway to the house in all my youthful, immortal glory and into the house. I half expected to see my police officer father swoop down on me. But no. I checked myself in the full length mirror (Jeans never go out of style, skinny jeans were in again!) and turned toward the banisters, "Celeste!"

My daughter Renesmee, going on a hundred, that's my girl, bounded down the stairs, looking like a mix of her father and I, only twenty fourish.

I hesitated. 100 years. Everything that ever needed to be said was said. So what do you say?

"Where's your father?"

Celeste, who had rejected her birth name when she was around 7 years old reached out and touched my hand, _My immortal vampire sperm donor is out in the back._ I withdrew my hand. My personal vampire abilities included being able to shield my thoughts but my daughter could penetrate minds. How artistic.

I stepped out into the back yard where Eddy was gazing at the forest. Had I still had a beating heart I would have swooned like the school girl I eternally was. He was just so hot, seventeen forever!

"You're sparkling," I said shyly and indeed he was, a rare ray of sunshine was blessing Forks and Eddy was soaking it up. A little known vampire fact, vampires sparkle! How silly humans were to think vampires burn up in sunlight, glittering makes so much more sense!

Eddy turned toward me with his golden eyes and the girly happiness I felt at seeing him dissolved because you know what? I've seen him countless times and he stays the same.

I wanted to demand to know why he never told me that death would be like this, constant and forever, watching the world pass by. Instead I took his diamond like hand and led him back into our house. Celeste had gone out thank the Volturi. Eddy and I sat on the couch, the only piece of furniture in the otherwise bare room and Eddy held me the way he always had and tugged at my eternally gorgeous locks.

"Here we are. Again." I said listlessly. I was staring at the ceiling.

Edward sat up straight, releasing a lock of my hair, "You're…unhappy." He said.

I rolled my eyes and threw myself into the couch, burrowing. "Whoa the mind reading vampire figured out how I'm feeling!" I snapped.

Edward folded his arms and I suddenly remembered he was nearly a hundred years older than me. What was I thinking dating an older man? It had seemed hot at the time but let's face it, I'd had to beg and I mean beg him for sex. So old fashioned.

"Seeing as I can't read your mind, and who knows why it attracted me to you in the first place, what's troubling you?" Edward asked, but he was avoiding my gaze.

I huffed and puffed and blew the house down. Just kidding. I did huff and puff though. Finally I blew my breath out, breathing being a bad habit of mine, "You didn't let me go to college, you didn't let me see my family for a few more years, you didn't let me mature so I could buy alcohol!"

Edwards's shoulders sagged in exasperation. "Bella I spent the first several years of our relationship trying to talk you out of becoming a vampire."

I frowned, there were times when I was wrong but didn't want to admit it. This was one of those times.

"Also there is no point in us eating or drinking human things because we have to cough it up later." Eddy pointed out.

There's very little I'm good at in life but I'm good at pouting. "Eddy, " I began.

Eddy cringed, "My name is Edward, you know that Bella."

"And my name is Isabella, "I sighed sadly, "It's an old ladies' name."

Eddy shrugged his shoulders, "Well, you are, kinda old. "

"I should be dead. And _you_ took that from me!" I jumped up from the couch with lightening vampire speed and grace. Edward followed after me. I didn't know quite where I was going in this old house of mine but instinctively I went back to old my old bedroom.

It was almost like I was 17 again and Eddy was… Edward again. My father was watching television downstairs, oblivious to the fact that my vampire boyfriend spent every night in my room with me. Good times.

"I will remind you again I spent years telling you not to become a vampire like me and you refused."

"You were badgering me with marriage, what was I suppose to say? " I leaned in my bedroom doorway. One hundred years is awhile and I wasn't quite sure how things had gone down. "You put me through marriage at 19, a half vampire child soon after and a painful vampire transformation."

"I didn't want to have sex with you. " Edward said glumly.

Stupid WWI boys. Didn't know anything.

"We should have spent time apart. I should have volunteered, worked with children. I should have enjoyed the academic life. I should have dated other people. I should have traveled. "I looked over my shoulder at Edward, "I should have lived I guess. "

"Oh you mean other people like that stupid wolf cub-"

"That's not what I-"

"Didn't know what the hell a shirt-"

"Edward!"

Edward stopped finally. "You're right. I'm sorry Bella." Edward pulled me into his arms and we stood there awkwardly hugging in my doorway. "God, stupid, stupid Bella."

I laughed though I felt slightly hurt.

"I should have eaten you while I had the chance."

"Hey!" I tried to pull away but Edward kept holding on to me. Locked me in his grip. He rocked me back and forth slightly but I still didn't feel comfortable.

"You would have been so good. I spent all my time restraining myself remember? But still… you'd have been delicious."

"Edward!"

"Delicious."


End file.
